Friday, May 4, 2012

- i think i am probably going to drop out of my favourite class - all i want to do is stare out of the window and pretend i'm in an aeroplane - today i woke up than went back to sleep for 5 hours then woke up again and thought about taking a pill and going to sleep for another 14 hours but my crushing sense of duty precluded me from doing so - (i didn't get anything done today anyway) - why do you think that mocking the way somebody speaks can be so hurtful and venemous, particularly in the context of racism? i was thinking that it might be because in the act of mockery you are implying that the person cannot express themselves properly, and in doing so you are symbolically denying them the faculty of speech - i currently feel that i am denied the faculty of speech, of writing, of communication in general - it doesn't feel good - i keep finding micheal haneke films on the shelves at work which is pretty exciting as i would like to watch them all to see if 'clean-cut babes doing horrible violence' is his auteur signature or just an occasional stylistic feature - i am enjoying my new job and i think i am doing ok at it - i keep wanting to shock myself out of the state i'm in but i need to find a way of doing so that isn't drinking until my body hits the ground hits the ground hits the ground

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